My Own Journey of Healing

After the loss of both my parents, rather unexpectedly, in 2016 I left a job I had loved for thirteen years. I was also on the tail end of moving through to menopause.
In January 2017 I woke up at midnight and didn’t sleep for the next ten days. I was experiencing acute anxiety, panic and a breakdown of my nervous system and my mind. It was terrifying. I remember one day feeling like all that I was, my identity, was shattering into tiny pieces.
The question ‘Who am I’ is a big question. I was no longer a carer for my mother, a daughter or a manager, there was a huge void in my life. I felt fragmented, vulnerable and in a very dark place. Overwhelmed with grief that I hadn’t been able to process I was no loner functioning the way I always had.
Grief and loss was something I had experienced before having lost my first husband in a car accent at the age of twenty five. This was different, the loss of meaning and purpose led me into a short period of depression.

I am very pleased to say that eight years on I am feeling whole once again. I have healed the feeling of fragmentation I experienced then. This has been a journey of learning to accept who I am post menopause, post breakdown because I am not the same the person I was then.
It has been getting to know who I am at a much deeper level, who I am beyond the labels we all give ourselves. I am a very caring person. I am compassionate and kind. I love nature and experience joy with my grandchildren. I used to be quite extrovert but now I am more introvert. I enjoy time alone, quiet and silence.
The experience led me into teaching meditation and becoming a Reiki practitioner. Facilitating healing in others gives me purpose and meaning in my life. I still get anxiety from time to time but I now see it as a sign that I need to take more care of myself, to align with who I am and who I wish to be in this world.