The Gift of Anxiety

Quote from The wisdom of anxiety Sheryl Paul:
Anxiety is the souls way of communicating that something inside is awry, out of balance or needs attention. When you ignore or remove the symptom you miss the message, and your inner self will redouble its efforts to alert you to the need to turn inward by sending more alarming and attention grabbing thoughts, feelings, and physical symptoms.
 
In 2013 I became aware that I had a deep longing for some time out, some time to be quiet and reflect. I stopped work to take a sabbatical but anxiety hit, I was just moving into menopause at the time. The spiritual aspects of menopause point us toward coming back to who we truly are. The drawing in of our recourses to ourselves, to our own needs.

My thought pattern would not allow me not to work. I just could not allow myself that time. In 2017 I had a metal health crisis. A breakdown of my nervous system, I woke up one night just after midnight with a panic attack that lasted ten days. I couldn’t drive, go out without my husband or even walk out of the village I live in on my own. Eating was very difficult but I knew I had to keep my blood sugar as stable as I could so managed a little food each day. I was in a deep state of terror. Meditation, homeopathy and walking were my salvation In 2016 I had left my job after losing both my parents unexpectedly in quick succession. The void that opened up was terrifying. Psychologically I still couldn’t let myself have time to heal, to be quiet and live gently for a while. The need for this time was real, my soul knew this and had redoubled its effort to make me listen.
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The journey to me being able to be ok with I am enough, I have enough has been a lengthy one. Post menopause\breakdown me is quite different to who I used to be. Learning to love all aspects of ourselves and be kind to ourselves is a difficult one. There are pressures to be and do something hugh everywhere we look these days, but sometimes enough is enough and I have to say, my enough feels pretty good right now. Meditation has helped me be still and listen to my inner self, to know what I need, not want. I have learned to be with uncomfortable feelings, to give them space, to hear the message. It is as always a never ending practice this life thing. I have also learned recently that perfect just doesn’t work so enough is defiantly enough!